Only after sending away Kim Woohyun, who had insisted on staying there no matter what, did Hyunseung lie back down on the sofa.
Tok, tok, tototok!
Then he enjoyed a game on his phone for a while.
His favorite game, League of Legion, had released a mobile version, so how could he not try it?
And as it turned out, his father was pretty good at it.
Not long ago, after watching the Worlds finals, his father had become interested and asked him to teach him how to play the game.
It was a little unexpected, but…
Of course, he taught him sincerely, and eagerly beat his adorable little brother.
He probably would not go to the game for a while.
Still, he hoped it would become even a small enjoyment in his father’s quiet and lonely life.
[ You have won. ]
Right. Seeing this phrase was what made it enjoyable.
Hyunseung smiled contentedly and was just about to start the next match.
Tok, tok!
Judging by the sharp, polite knocking sound…
“This is Michelle. The guest you mentioned has arrived.”
It was his secretary, Michelle, who had brought the guest.
“Please come in.”
Hyunseung naturally adjusted his clothes and welcomed him with one hand in the back pocket of his pants.
Right.
The man who followed Michelle in was not only huge and hulking, but had also mixed the name “HS” into his terrible song and uploaded an MV-like video straight out of the eighties.
He was a rather unpleasant guest.
He had expected him to be fierce-looking, but his solid, massive physique gave off quite a dangerous air.
“Uh…”
But once the man made eye contact with him, he did not say a word for a long while. He did not even greet him.
“Did I have the ability to stop time?”
Hyunseung tilted his head and muttered sarcastically.
Seriously.
There was no way he had the ability to stop time, was there?
And yet the man stood there alone as if time had stopped, without so much as blinking, only staring at him with trembling eyes.
He did not even breathe.
“Michelle, please wake him up.”
“Could you say that again?”
Michelle failed to understand his joke and asked back.
“No. Never mind.”
Then she obediently stepped out of the studio.
Probably.
To wait in front of the door.
“Uh, uh, uh….”
The man moved his lips with a face that could only be described as panic-stricken.
“Please, at least breathe. I’d rather you do that outside.”
However, at his words, the man turned back with a rigid face.
“B-breathe, was it?”
“Wasn’t it breathing?”
“Breathing…”
“Breathe.”
“Ah, right.”
Only then did Hyunseung click his tongue and mutter, “Breathe.”
But Jamal, as if he had been struck by shock, did not make any response and simply kept his head bowed low.
“Breathe…?”
Because his head was lowered, Hyunseung could not tell what kind of expression the shadowed face was making.
Hyunseung watched Jamal like that, then brought his hand to his back pocket again and fumbled with what was inside.
Just in case, he had prepared…
A gas gun that looked very similar to a handgun.
Hyunseung was not as fearless as he appeared.
It was not that he did not value his life.
‘How should I turn this around?’
Moreover, this was not Korea, and this was a country where even possession of handguns was legal. It meant it would not be strange if any guy pulled out a gun.
“Breathe…”
At that moment, Jamal muttered with his head bowed.
“Breathe…”
Had he received a serious injury somewhere?
“Breathe…”
When his muttering began to feel rather frightening, Hyunseung quietly took the gas gun out of his back pocket.
The device was so tense that it made his heart pound.
Just then.
As he had been carefully fumbling for the gas gun behind his back.
“I didn’t know you had given me a mission!”
Jamal, who had lowered his head, looked horrified, but his eyes sparkled with affection.
“Breathe, breathe…. After saying it again and again, it sticks in the mouth, and I even like the way my tongue rolls?”
This was not the reaction he had expected, and it was a little scary.
Meanwhile, Jamal felt as if he were dreaming. The HS he had longed for so desperately was right in front of him.
The way he sat on the sofa and spoke.
The way he sharply cut down the song and video he had made.
It was endlessly dreamlike.
“How should I put it? I should call it courageous that you put my name into this kind of song, or call it arrogant.”
HS’s tongue unleashed sharp criticism, but—
“Thank you for seeing it as courageous.”
“That’s not what I meant…”
“I didn’t know I’d receive praise, so I feel very good.”
“No, it wasn’t praise…”
Only the good parts reached Jamal’s ears.
“There’s one thing I’m curious about.”
When HS opened his mouth with an utterly serious face, Jamal straightened his posture and pricked up his ears.
“Why hip-hop?”
Instead of answering that question, Jamal let out a short sigh.
“Because you’re a rapper. Out of all the rappers who overflow everywhere, why did you put me in the lyrics?”
Jamal could not answer easily.
It was not that he did not want to answer. He simply could not get a sense of where to start explaining.
To explain convincingly…
He would have to climb up to a very long time ago.
Right.
Around the time I was born.
My house was a slum filled with rats. From as far back as I could remember, there was no such thing as a father.
Instead.
There was only my sickly mother, who had lost her hearing.
I had never even dreamed of something called school life.
Wasn’t even that something you could think about only when your stomach was full?
For me, who had to worry about today’s meal right away, earning money was the first priority.
There was no work I had not tried.
I collected junk, picked up old shoes, worked as a flower seller at a gas station reeking of oil, and even at a factory where dust piled up unpleasantly.
But…
For me as a child, for me as a Black person…
There was no place that extended mercy.
In the end, I gradually started putting my hands on bad things.
Even though I wanted to turn back.
I thought I would never be able to go back again.
Why was I poor?
Why did I have no father?
Why was even my mother sick?
Why was I Black?
I was always swept up in negative thoughts. And before I knew it, the arrows of that negativity were always aimed at my mother.
Since she was a mother who could not hear anyway, she would not hear the things I said.
I hated her.
I resented her.
I shouted too.
But no words came back from my mother.
Of course.
I continued a precarious life, not knowing how much more ruined things would have to become before it ended.
During that time, a friend who was not particularly different from me suddenly said he was going to become a NewTuber.
I laughed at him back then.
Do you think you can be a NewTuber? Who would watch you? If you’re going to say ridiculous things, go earn money.
He did not get angry at me for criticizing him.
“No one has to watch.”
Instead, he smiled coolly and said that.
“I’m just doing what I want to do, because I want to live properly for once.”
At those words, anger rose inside me for no reason.
Live properly?
Already ruined as he was, did it make sense that a ruined guy wanted to live properly?
Did I not want to live properly?
When I did not have anything to eat today, could I live properly by doing something I wanted to do?
It sounded like a dream.
Right.
That was what I thought, but he kept his word and no longer did bad things.
He was not seen on the streets anymore either.
Instead, he learned video editing and became a NewTuber.
‘He’ll come back before long.’
That was what I thought.
But he kept uploading NewTube videos that no one watched. Today, and tomorrow too.
There was nothing special about the content.
He simply listened to songs from around the world and shared his impressions of those songs by himself.
‘Who would watch something like this?’
But despite my mockery, he kept uploading to NewTube, and gradually gained popularity.
At some point, proposals poured in from labels all over the world, asking him to listen to the songs of their affiliated singers too.
I went to his studio.
There was something I wanted to ask.
It seemed like you were living properly now.
But for some reason, that question did not come out of my mouth.
Instead, after listening one by one to the songs included in the proposals, I asked him, who was expressing his intent to reject them in a way I could not understand.
“But why don’t you accept this offer?”
“Because the song is bad!”
“But they’re still giving it to you, aren’t they?”
He smiled coolly and answered, just like when he first said he was going to become a NewTuber.
“I want to do only songs that sound good and make me happy when I listen to them!”
With that alone, I could understand.
He was living properly now. He was living happily while doing what he wanted to do.
That such a thing was possible.
“Since I came all this way, do you want to film with me today?”
He suggested that I, whose expression was rapidly crumpling, film with him as well.
I hated it.
That was what I meant to say, but without realizing it, I nodded. I think I wanted to know, at least a little, what it meant to live properly.
“Today, I really brought an amazing song. Since it’s even a performance video, your eyes will enjoy it too!”
The guy’s eyes sparkled once filming began, and he boasted about the song we would listen to today.
He looked so excited that I watched him quietly.
“Since it’s K-POP, the lyrics will appear as translated subtitles, but I think we’ll still be able to enjoy it together enough!”
I sat quietly and stared blankly at the monitor.
K-POP.
In truth, I had already lost interest from those words.
No matter how good the song was, if it was K-POP, then…
Click.
Unlike me, who had no expectations at all, he restarted the video with a very excited face, putting on his headset.
— It is a terribly noisy world. You have always lived in silence.
In the video that began, a man with his eyes covered by a dark cloth moved his body to match the song.
Was that man the one singing?
His face was not very visible because it was covered, but unlike how he looked, his voice was as crisp as an apple.
— There were times I thought it might be fortunate. On days I wanted to cry sadly, I turned the blanket over myself and cried endlessly.
Thanks to the translation the guy had edited in, the lyrics were coming out in English, but they did not enter my eyes.
— Perhaps you did not know. Right, I hated you. It was just that all of this was the world’s fault.
It was because the overwhelming sound and the man’s movements in the video had stolen all my attention.
– On the night when I wanted us to live, the night that was as quiet as you, I listened.
I did not know exactly what he had learned, but the hand gestures the man in the video was swaying with were clearly sign language.
– Your voice, which had always flowed so sadly, pretended to be as quiet as you. It turned its back, closed its eyes, and pretended to be moved.
I did not know why he had made the performance with sign language.
– I should have spoken even knowing you would be silent. I’m sorry I came only now. I try to move words I could not say until now.
For some strange reason, it felt like the gaze hidden beneath his hand was trying to say something.
– Let’s live. Let’s live. So that it becomes possible, open yourself and smile often if you can.
I closed my eyes and fell deeper into the song.
No.
To be precise, I focused on the voice in the music flowing in.
I could not know what he wanted to say, but it sounded as if he were pretending to sob.
Toward the world.
And
Toward himself.
– They say you have to fight if you want to live beautifully, but I’ll fight instead, so please, let’s live. Let’s live.
I carefully opened my eyes and looked at the man in the video.
Beside me, that guy was excitedly chattering about how the stage direction was and how the song’s composition was.
But even that did not reach me.
– Let’s live…
Like the lyrics that appeared on the screen.
I just…
Wanted to live properly.
Right.
Me too, like my friend.
And
Like that man…
– I dedicate this stage to my respected Beethoven.
I wanted to stand on a stage dedicated to my mother.
I headed home that way.
I hugged my mother and simply cried without end.
“Mom, let’s live. Properly. Really, let’s live properly.”
She tapped my back as I muttered with my face buried against her shoulder.
As if she were answering me, telling me she understood what I meant.
From that day on, my entire life changed.
I asked an old brother from the neighborhood who had retired and opened a burger shop to hire me for part-time work, and I earned money honestly.
Not missing a single day, I made songs and uploaded videos.
What I learned later was….
HS was a composer. A composer with fairly good skill at that.
It did not matter.
Because he was the person who had made me try living properly.
“Bapal, are you listening to me?”
(T/N: HS mispronounced Jamal’s name here)
A person like that was standing in front of me.
“Why are you doing hip-hop?”
There were far too many reasons.
Success.
Honor.
Money.
Did he not have all of it?
But.
That was not everything.
The more I learned about HS, the more I could not help but admire him. He was a cool person.
A person who did what he wanted and still lived properly.
That kind of person.
“Just…”
Jamal swallowed the many words he had inside and smiled awkwardly as he replied.
“You’re handsome.”
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