Pen and Paper Translations

After the drinking session ended, Junseong and I stepped outside the bar to catch a taxi.

Maybe because the mood had been more serious than expected and we hadn’t drunk that much, my head was perfectly clear.

Perhaps that is why Kim Seunghun’s old story kept circling in my mind.

A body that used to be overweight.

For kids at that age, a trivial reason like that is the perfect excuse to justify ostracizing someone.

For the young and tender Seunghun, that ostracism was a pain far too great.

So he decided to drop out of high school.

But even his parents could not understand his decision.

They likely thought it was just a bit of teasing.

Because of that reaction, an even larger shadow settled over Seunghun’s heart.

“Hey, don’t you think Seunghun is actually an amazing person? Hearing him today made me even more impressed.”

As we waited for a taxi that showed no sign of appearing, Junseong spoke.

“Yeah.”

What made him decide to erase that enormous shadow seated deep inside his heart were the films he watched after dropping out and staying home.

The actors in films. On screen, they act as characters who are not themselves.

In other words, the fact that you can act as someone other than yourself.

Just the act of acting itself, he said, gave him a tremendous sense of liberation.

“The reason I can be where I am now is ultimately because of <Night> too, so I can’t help thinking about him more.”

The sight of him burying his face and choking up was not easy to shake off.

When we shot <Night>, I never imagined he had a past like that.

“Right? I also thought he was just a great hyung, but after seeing him like today, I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Still, the decision is his in the end. It’s not something we can force.”

“Yeah, I know…”

---

A few days later

Goodness Entertainment.

Regarding his renewal, Kim Seunghun was summoned by CEO Hwang Jesun and carefully stepped into the CEO’s office.

The room was already filled with cigarette smoke.

The stinging stench of smoke pierced his nose, but Seunghun did not even dare to grimace.

Through the haze of smoke, Hwang Jesun loomed to Seunghun as that kind of presence.

“Hey, you came?”

“Y-yes, C-CEO.”

“TSK. I told you to raise your voice when you talk to me, didn’t I?”

“Ah, yes! CEO!”

As his voice automatically grew louder, Seunghun hunched his shoulders and squeezed his eyes shut.

He hated himself for being like this.

But his body reacted first, as if a master-servant relationship had been engraved into his bones.

“Good. Seunghun. You see what’s in front of you there? Sign it. We both know each other well enough, right? Let’s keep going together.”

The stack of papers on the desk.

To Seunghun, that contract looked like handcuffs that would shackle him to the company.

“…”

He stared at the contract for a moment, then closed his eyes and thought.

Actors in movies always looked cool. That was why he wanted to become like them.

Always shining stars.

Objects of admiration moving across the screen or the TV.

Thanks to <Night>, Seunghun had thought he had become, to some extent, an actor like them.

But if people learned that, unlike how he looked in <Night>, he had been a kid who was bullied, what if the fans who admired him ended up disappointed?

What if they left him because of that?

After endlessly turning those worries over in his mind, he still could not arrive at an answer, and he could not bring himself to open his eyes.

“What are you doing?”

Hwang Jesun asked, looking at Seunghun with his eyes closed.

When the large man stood from his seat, Seunghun swallowed.

He hated that his head automatically dropped the moment Hwang glared at him.

This loathsome life.

Wouldn’t this also be considered a stain?

What if it became known that a star who shone like that on TV or on the screen was living like this…?

“What, are you reminiscing or something? Want me to smack the back of your head and remind you of high school?”

“…”

“You lost all your guts, huh. You not going to answer?”

A vicious cycle. If he signed that, he had no idea how many years he would have to keep grinding it out here.

This was not the life he wanted.

Smack!

Hwang Jesun struck the back of Seunghun’s head hard.

It hurt terribly.

But more than the pain, the anger was greater.

If he signed there, he might have to live like this for the rest of his life. At the thought, Seunghun clenched his fist.

“Ha. Hey, what are you doing? Oh? Got your fist clenched now? You going to throw a punch?”

He forced his stiff neck up to glare at Hwang.

For a moment, Hwang looked a little taken aback, then smirked.

“You think looking at me like that makes you someone? You got something to fall back on now? Another agency reach out to you?”

“…”

“Well, well. Not answering again. And if someone did reach out? You think you’ve got insurance now?”

Hwang sneered and sat back down.

“Ha. Do they know about it? That you were a fat little pig who got bullied? If that rumor spreads, things won’t be easy, will they? Your image will be completely wrecked. All those roles you’ve been getting will get cut.”

Most of the roles Seunghun had played were cool, macho types.

If a tag like “victim” started following him, he had no idea what would happen.

‘They say Kim Seunghun was bullied? But on TV he strutted around striking poses. What an eyesore.’

‘Isn’t he ashamed? When you see kids getting bullied, there’s always a reason. How pathetic do you have to be.’

Wouldn’t that be the reaction…?

Amid the negative thoughts crowding his head, Seunghun recalled Gyeong Chanhyeon’s words.

“Being a victim is not something to be ashamed of. How can being a victim be a flaw?”

A victim is not a flaw.

But being a star and also a victim might be a flaw.

Racked by those worries, Seunghun had not been able to sleep properly for days.

“Changing your mind, right? Hey. This contract’s terms are much better than before. Don’t get any funny ideas, just put your name right there.”

After gauging the look on his face, Hwang stood again.

Then he patted Seunghun’s shoulder and put on a genial smile.

But to Seunghun’s eyes, it was a horrifying smile.

The smile he showed when he learned about his past and grabbed him by that weakness.

Seeing it again made goosebumps rise across Seunghun’s body.

Clueless, Hwang personally handed him a pen.

“Hey, there’s a CEO who even brings you the pen himself. Where would you go? We were good, weren’t we? Huh?”

“Not even once…”

He trailed off, forcing the words out through clenched teeth.

“What?”

“We were never good. Not once.”

He dragged those clouded words up and spoke them at last.

Hwang scowled at that.

“Hey. Think this through. You idiot.”

“…”

“I’m still an active gangster. You know that, right?”

Hwang exhaled smoke.

Until that smoke once again hung thick, the room was quiet.

“Lately the scene’s already been a mess because of that Go Jinhun? If you start this too, that would make me real sad.”

“…”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Just sign there and get out quietly. That’s me being nice one last time.”

Gripping his trembling fist, Seunghun finally managed to speak.

“No.”

“Ha, have you lost your mind?”

Crash.

Hwang hurled the ashtray toward him.

It shattered a hair’s breadth in front of him.

His hands were shaking, but he ground his teeth so it wouldn’t show.

“Courage.”

That’s what Gyeong Chanhyeon had said.

That his choice might give others courage.

Courage to move forward on dreams and hope, and courage to step out from the shadows.

With that in mind, the trembling in his hands no longer mattered and stilled on its own.

“Oh, look at you, all grown up. Back in the day you would’ve signed while sobbing.”

“…”

If he could give courage and hope to kids who are suffering what he had suffered.

Then perhaps it would be better to let it come out.

That even after such a horrific experience, you can make it here.

That they can do it too.

‘If only I had heard words like that… No, if I had heard even a little of what Chanhyeon said a bit earlier…’

He thought to himself and let out a hollow laugh.

Seeing him laugh, Hwang rubbed his forehead as if he couldn’t believe it.

“You’re laughing? You really gone crazy?”

“That weakness you think you have on me. Go ahead and leak it to the press or do whatever you want.”

“You, what?”

Startled by the sudden change, Hwang looked genuinely taken aback.

But soon he smirked again.

“Can you handle it? Everything around you is going to get ruined because of you.”

“Go ahead. I can’t live stuck in the past forever.”

At his confident answer, Hwang scowled.

“What?”

“Do it.”

“…”

“Hit me. If you’re going to hit me. Might as well make it obvious and give me a nice clean slap.”

Grinding his teeth, Hwang stared at a version of him he had never seen before.

How could he have changed like this?

In that moment, Hwang seemed to figure something out, nodding as he glared at Seunghun.

“You. That backer you got, is it GO Entertainment?”

“…”

“Was it Go Jinhun? Did you and that bastard Gyeong Chanhyeon fall in love shooting <Night> or something? Ha… bastard.”

He recalled the incident from when CEO Go Jinhun had still been manager Go Sangwoo.

Thinking of that made Hwang’s expression twist.

“So it was that miserable bastard?”

Silent, Seunghun glared back.

Hwang was a guy with many ties to organized gangs.

He had no idea how he might come at them.

“Ha, must be right. You vermin. All of you joining hands and playing patty-cake, huh?”

“…”

“If you don’t sign there, you’re all dead. Slitting their throats isn’t that hard, you know?”

At that, Seunghun swallowed.

What should he do? These were the kind of people who, if they wanted to, might actually kill.

Which made him even more uneasy.

He never wanted others to be harmed because of him.

Ring-ring.

Just then, his phone rang.

He glanced down. On the screen, the name was Gyeong Chanhyeon.

He had no reason to worry about Hwang watching.

“Hello?”

“Hyung. Run.”

Came Gyeong Chanhyeon’s warm voice.

And a voice full of concern.

Hearing a voice that seemed to know exactly what was happening, he asked back, startled.

“What…?”

“I know exactly what’s going on. Just come out. I’ve got a car waiting outside. Pretend you’re going to the restroom. Pretend this is a wrong number and hang up. Now.”

Following his words, Seunghun acted as naturally as he could, snapping irritably into the phone.

“I’m not Lee Jiseung. You have the wrong number.”

Click.

As he hung up, Hwang lit another cigarette. Exhaling, he smiled.

“You want to die, or do you want to sign there?”

Now he began to act.

He pretended to be terrified again. It wasn’t hard. His body remembered.

“C-CEO. I’m sorry… I just…”

He sank to his knees and began to whimper.

Seeing the familiar version of him again, Hwang gave a satisfied smile.

“I must have lost my mind for a second. I am truly sorry. Sincerely…”

“Right. Now you look like the Seunghun I know. Let’s keep getting along from now on. Okay?”

Lounging in his chair and drawing on his cigarette, Hwang jerked his chin toward the contract on the table.

“Sign there and get out. Got it?”

“Yes… CEO.”

Wiping his eyes with his sleeve, hands trembling, Seunghun picked up the pen.

Then he wrote on the contract lying on the table.

“It’s done… CEO.”

“Good. Tsk, I think I was a little too much today. I’ll take you out for that drink you like sometime. Okay?”

He nodded, then left the office, shoulders heavy.

After confirming that he had gone out for good, Hwang let out a breath.

A golden goose.

It was the first time that goose had rebelled.

So he used the goose’s kindness against him.

A guy who could not stand seeing the people around him get hurt.

“Whew… thank God. You miserable bastard. No matter how you run, you’re in the palm of my hand.”

Relieved that the threats had worked, Hwang smirked, stood, and looked down at the contract on the table.

Then he rubbed his eyes and checked the signature on the contract.

“You son of a…!”

Where the signature should have been… there were no letters there, and at the top of the contract was a single short, bold words.

[Get lost]