Pen and Paper Translations

Matthew’s face had hardened. His green eyes, icy as frost, seemed ready to freeze the surroundings at any moment, and the air around him felt overwhelmingly heavy.

Because Matthew had always treated him warmly, Riu found this sight unfamiliar.

“Riu Carter.”

Riu’s full name flowed from Matthew’s mouth.

Hearing his name spoken in that gloomy, sunken tone made Riu’s eyes twitch. Slipping behind his eyelids and showing again, Riu’s violet irises shone like set amethysts.

Although violet is common, Riu’s eyes never felt ordinary, and Matthew’s gaze shook deeply at the sight.

“If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to.”

With a softer voice, Matthew brushed Riu’s bangs aside. His face full of worry, he stared straight into Riu’s eyes.

Wearing the look of someone who might read his heart at any moment, Matthew whispered softly:

“I’m not trying to force an answer. It’s just, you looked like you were about to cry, and I got angry without meaning to.”

His voice even carried a trace of gloom.

Riu didn’t know why that voice made his throat tighten. Somehow it felt comforting.

Unable to explain, he bit the lips that had been about to move. After nibbling the edge several times with a canine, he finally managed to speak.

“I…”

“Mm.”

Even as Riu hesitated, Matthew waited, urging nothing, quietly waiting for Riu’s lips to open. Steadying his breath, Riu raised his lowered eyelids and met Matthew’s green eyes.

“I don’t understand… why you would say that much…”

“…What do you mean?”

“It’s just… strange.”

It feels like you respect me, and that makes my chest hurt.

Riu swallowed those words. They weren’t words he could voice, yet it was true his chest ached at receiving someone else’s warmth for the first time.

The thought that comfort came from someone he’d known only two weeks instead of a longtime friend saddened him. Heat gathered at his eyes.

“Riu…”

Seeing Riu’s face that looked ready to drop tears with a touch, Matthew’s eyes softened.

As if Riu might collapse at any moment, Matthew gently cupped his soft cheek. Riu’s trembling breath felt like a little flame about to go out.

“I don’t know which part seemed strange, but it’s natural. Friends worrying about friends is natural, right?”

“…”

“But the difference between those friends and me is that I’m the one who’ll always stand beside you, on your side.”

At those words of always staying, Riu’s eyes rippled.

They might have been empty words of comfort, yet talking with Matthew like this felt as if something coiled inside him was being touched.

“So if something hard happens, like today, I hope you’ll come find me anytime.”

With affection showing, Matthew’s eyes crinkled gently. Like spring after a bitter winter, his warm gaze made Riu’s chest grow tight.

Riu shook his head slightly and gave a faint smile.

The friends Matthew spoke of were clearly different from the friends Riu had known. He thought he understood why Matthew had so many friends.

If someone else, not him, were here, Matthew might treat them just as kindly.

Suddenly Rene, who said he liked Matthew, came to mind. Of course he would like someone who respected others’ opinions yet soothed them so gently.

“So don’t suffer alone. Sometimes you can use me to suit your mood. Let’s smile every day, Riu.”

At those words, Riu felt his heart thud.

Afraid he might cry, he lowered his head. He mustn’t show tears, yet his feet wouldn’t budge; his vow not to give Matthew his heart felt pointless. He wanted to stay a little longer.

The small warmth Matthew offered, the gentle comfort, clung to his palm like sticky chocolate.

“Why that face again?”

Bending at the waist, Matthew tilted his head and looked at Riu. At the same time, Riu closed his eyes. He feared he would cry if their eyes met yet when soft warmth touched his lips, his eyes flew open.

“J-just now…”

“Why are you crying, silly?”

Riu’s expression shifted subtly. Seeing him ready to burst yet still holding back, Matthew pressed another kiss on his lips.

It was a light peck loud enough to make a smack, yet their noses remained touching.

Matthew met Riu’s gaze, silently asking what he should do next.

Though given the chance, Riu couldn’t avoid him. He only closed his eyes firmly.

At that consent, Matthew’s smile bloomed.

“From now on, if you cry, do it only in front of me. Promise me, Riu.”

With that small whisper, Matthew’s lips met Riu’s again. The kiss, different from the one that day, tickled the ends of Riu’s heart.

As if the first kiss had been only a taste, Matthew skillfully explored inside his mouth. Giving him no room to breathe, he pressed Riu to the wall and supported his head.

Pulling him closer, as though wanting to tangle more thickly and deeply, Matthew entwined Riu’s tongue. Though the movement wasn’t fast, Riu found it hard to breathe. Matthew’s tongue rubbed even underneath his, making his head spin.

When Riu unconsciously grabbed Matthew’s lapel, Matthew’s legs crossed against him. Riu bit Matthew’s lip without thinking.

Startled and apologetic, he opened his eyes to meet Matthew’s fierce gaze. It was funny, but he felt Matthew might truly devour him.

Matthew’s tongue slipped deep into Riu’s unguarded mouth, rubbing the tender flesh hidden inside.

The pressing motion made Riu’s eyelids quiver. Heat spread through his body as if a spark had passed.

Feeling he might melt, Riu tugged Matthew’s collar. Only then did Matthew’s lips part, gleaming with mingled saliva.

Panting, Riu’s chest rose and fell. Like someone who’d sprinted a track, his breathing wouldn’t calm.

“Next time, let’s do this inside a house, not in an alley.”

As if promising another kiss, Matthew smoothly lifted the corners of his mouth. His spreading smile felt as clear as spotless sunlight.

---

The rainy season began. In the muggy weather and pouring rain, Riu looked toward the window.

It was the second day since he had gone outside after that day. Only two days had passed, yet it felt like a week.

The room, lacking even soundproofing, was filled with rain sound. Watching the refreshing downpour blankly, Riu perched on the windowsill.

On days when no one sought him, he always sat like this, staring out the window. In the familiar silence he slowly closed and opened his eyes; somehow the gloomy feeling sank deeper.

“It’s difficult…”

Murmuring, Riu touched the window with a fingertip. He wrote the name that came to mind, then wiped it away.

Matthew Davir. A person standing on a line too ambiguous to call friend.

Because he created useless, unnecessary feelings, Riu disliked him—no, had to dislike him. Yet laughably, whenever he closed his eyes, Matthew’s face appeared.

The green eyes always looking down kindly, the prominent nose, the gentle way he called his name: all weakened Riu’s resolve.

“What do I do now…”

Possession or original story aside, Rene was a precious friend. He was the only person who’d reached a hand into his dark life. Then Rene said he liked Matthew.

Letting out a faint breath, Riu drew his knees together, hugging them to his chest, and finally felt calmer.

His hesitation didn’t last long. Without overthinking, Riu chose an ordinary life. He didn’t want to hurt many people’s feelings over a relationship that might brush past once and end.

Having decided in his head, he stepped down from the window. At the same time, a monotonous knock sounded.

“Young master, Master Albert is here to see you.”

“Albert?”

Hearing that Albert had arrived unannounced on such a rainy day, Riu hurried to the drawing room, worried it might be urgent.

Yet contrary to his fears, Albert stood there with a bright smile.